See revised version here.
For millennia, the name "Medusa" has inspired dread - and we recall the beautiful and immortal woman who was changed into a monster ... and whose glance turns men to stone.
The best known version of her legend focuses on the prince who beheaded her. THE BLIND SCULPTOR re-tells the story from her side, giving this iconic villainess a voice for the first time.
Rejected by her parents, Medusa is raised by a priestess of the Goddess Athena. When she becomes a striking beauty, her uncle rapes her—inside the Temple of Athena, before Athena’s very eyes. Defying logic, Athena punishes Medusa for her uncle’s crime. As a result, Medusa’s legend is born: her hair twists with snakes, her face contorts hideously, and her gaze turns deadly.
Two hundred years later, Atheos, a slave and a stonemason, searches for Medusa. If he helps Prince Perseus kill her, he’ll gain his freedom. If he fails, he’ll either be turned to stone by Medusa or be executed by his king.
Before Atheos completes his quest, however, misfortune strikes.
Prince Perseus sneaks inside the palace of Lady Styx, where he is caught stealing weapons. To earn them and learn Medusa’s secret location, he must survive a coma. If he survives … Medusa - cousin of Perseus, Athena and the Lady Styx - will be murdered. Lady Styx, who is known for her family loyalty, appeals to Athena for compassion on Medusa’s behalf.
Athena reluctantly agrees,… but deliberately targets Atheos, blinding him and banishing him to a remote island. There he is cared for by a mysterious woman with a haunted past named Medi. An unexpected friendship grows between them, awakening Medi’s desire for a life beyond the island. When Medi reveals that she is in fact Medusa, Atheos secretly petitions Athena to free Medusa from her fate of certain death at the hands of Perseus. Unmoved, Athena counters that Medusa’s blood will cure Atheos’ blindness, but only after her death, giving Atheos even more reason to carry out his original mission. When Medusa learns of Athena and Atheos’ prior encounter, his role in Perseus’ quest, and how he stands to benefit from her death, she must overcome her betrayed trust and choose between either helping Atheos or saving her own long, suffering life.
THE BLIND SCULPTOR is a completed 98,000 word work of historical fantasy.
Hi Nay,
ReplyDeleteThis is a totally fresh idea for a story and sounds like it could be full of excitement. I have three major problems and I'm going to limit my critique to these because I don't think there's any point nitpicking yet.
First - you should keep your query down to somewhere around 250-300 words. Fortunately, my second point should help with this.
Second - you are telling me the entire story which makes me wonder why I should read the book. Hone this down to the main conflict in the story - focus on the tension.
Third - You tell us at the start that this story is from the POV of Medusa and then spend several chapters telling us the story of Atheos and Perseus. This is confusing. Is this a split POV book? That needs to be made more clear up front.
I hope this helps. If you want to revise and send it to me again, I'll repost with "Revised" in the subject line.
Good luck - this sounds like a great story and I'm sure you can get this query into shape.
Hi M.A.,
ReplyDeleteThank you!
I've written a number of drafts and w/the ones under 300, readers complained, "not everyone knows Greek mythology. I'm lost! Please give me more specifics." Hence the ginormous word count. :(
Yes, it is a split POV book! I will find a way to include that info w/o adding bloat, lol!
Thanks for your input. :)
Naomi
I see how you might be having trouble pairing this down. First, the first two paragraphs should probably go because they are explanations. If you have to explain it, there's something wrong.
ReplyDeleteI know it'll be hard to put together a query in a shorter word count that fits, but whenever you're having a hard time getting your works across to people, just fall back on the conflict of the story. In this case, the conflict is that the mason has fallen in love with medusa, athena is offering him everything he wants (except love) should he kill her, and if he doesn't kill her his king will kill him. That's a ton of conflict, and almost certainly enough to carry the story.
My recommendation is to drop back to the bare bones. After you have the framework of the conflict, then look into adding some of the details back in. Don't worry so much about the greek mythology, it doesn't matter if people know who Athena is, if there is a god offering to heal him if he murders the woman he loves, people will understand the conflict there. Good luck.