Upon discovering his powers, seventeen-year-old Michael Sullivan realizes he can become the best human ‘Hunter’ in his family. But if he decides to follow his girlfriend’s lead—a ‘Defender’—he might risk his life and his loved-ones. NIGHT IN CRIMSON CLOUDS is 108,000 words of YA fantasy with a strong touch of romantic flair.
Forced to face the consequences of a past known only by his girlfriend, Anahita, Michael must now fight his own heart before he stops someone else’s. Anahita tries to guide him into the Defender's path. But Michael, who lost both his brother and his friend to suicide and grew up through public executions, hopes only for a quiet life without having to kill people or blindly sacrifice his life for them.
As his training begins with Anahita’s Defender family, Anahita becomes more and more afraid that she might be helping the boy who’s going to be her enemy one day. And when Michael takes one life to save another, he starts to believe his blood curses with the Hunters and there is nothing he can do. But the truth about his violent, forgotten past and the sacrifices Anahita has made for him will change his life forever, and Michael must now fight his greatest enemy—his own dark side—or lose all that he holds dear.
Well done. Provides a good balance of background and intrigue. The only line I stumbled on was... his blood curses with the Hunter... Maybe use "flows" instead of "curses" unless it is important to the story to keep it the original way.
ReplyDeleteThank you. :)
DeleteHmm, actually, yes, flows sounds better :)
~Sarah
Great premise! The one thing I would add is your title, word count and genre, I would think about putting it before "Upon discovering..." or at the end. I would also think about showing us how this story has a strong touch of romantic flair instead of telling us, because I'm not seeing the romantic flair in your summary. Just a thought. But well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot. :)
DeleteOkay, that sounds good. Okay, I'll try to add some Michael/Anahita flair in there ^_^
Thanks again :)
~Sarah
Hi Aty,
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like an interesting idea, but I was somewhat confused about various things. The overall organization was hard to follow for me. I'm not exactly clear on what a "Hunter" or a "Defender" is without making an educated guess. I have no idea how becoming a Defender might risk his life. Is his power the ability to stop someone's heart alluded to in the second paragraph? What is this unknown past you hint at? Defender sounds nicer than hunter, but then you juxtapose that with Michael wanting to avoid hurting people - so is Hunter the nice power? It's kind of confusing.
Why might they have to become enemies? Are Hunters and Defenders natural enemies? If so, why do they get to pick which one they become? Why does Michael take a life to save another? What sacrifices as she made for him?
This query raises so many questions without answering them and I find it bewildering. The ideas that I'm getting sounds very cool, but you want to get your synopsis down to the bare bones and make sure that anything about your world is explained at least enough to understand the conflict and the stakes.
And yes - get the romance in there if you can if it's a major part of the story.
Good luck. If you want to send me a revision later, I can post it again. The number of people leaving feedback seems to be dwindling though :/