Dear [AGENT]:
Fifteen-year-old January Stone desperately wants not to be alone. But she doesn’t realize her isolation is the only thing keeping her alive.
January makes uncontrolled jumps across America in her sleep. With her world starting from scratch each morning, love seems impossible — until she meets Cassie, a haunted, bookish girl who isn’t willing to let January go. But their attempts at romance across the ever-changing distance that separates them attract the attention of the Fallen: once-human monsters with pits of black mist for eyes. They’ve hunted January for years, and now they’re out to devour her soul.
She isn’t the only one they’re after. Running from the Fallen, January encounters other Dreamwalkers: teens like January, who protect sleeping minds from an invading presence that creates the Fallen and turns people into puppets. With friends at her side, January is ready to fight back at last... if she can keep the fractious Dreamwalkers from turning on each other. But when evidence surfaces of a traitor among them, January uncovers a secret from her own past that may force her to abandon Cassie — or become a Fallen herself.
JANUARY IN SHADOW is a YA contemporary fantasy, complete at 65,000 words. [PERSONALIZATION & BIO HERE]
This is good. It's tight and intriguing. It has all the elements of a good query, plus the stakes are strong. I have two questions: Why is she alone and why does her isolation keep her alive? That should have been explained in the query and it wasn't.
ReplyDeleteThis is a cool sounding story - sort of The Talisman meets Nightmare on Elm Street.
ReplyDeleteWhat is clear - January jumps from place to place in her sleep and she's being chased by scary people. If she's caught, she'll turn into one of these people. And she's in love with Cassie.
What I had to piece together - she has to be alone because her love for Cassie is what is drawing the Fallen to her.
What is not clear - why does her love draw the Fallen to her? And why does she have to abandon Cassie because there's a traitor? Does January just jump or does she also protect other sleepers from the Fallen? Are regular people being invaded by the Fallen? Is this some kind of general plague?
I think it's almost there, but you just need to clarify some of the elements that those of us not steeped in your world won't get right away.
Good luck - if you want to send me a revision, I'll post it as a new entry with Revised in the title.
This sounds freaking great. I agree with MA, esp. the question about why the Fallen are drawn to her. Also, I wanted to know sooner why she's special - later I see that she is a dreamwalker, but getting that info. at the end was a little confusing, since initially it sounded like straight up romance. Can you give us her specialness in P1? Perhaps? Overall, don't mess with things too much though! This looks pretty good even as is.
ReplyDeleteOh and I love love the title
ReplyDeleteThanks, guys! It's really helpful to know what isn't coming across clearly — that's so hard to see without fresh eyes. Now to try to make it come across more clearly without winding up in clunky exposition land...
ReplyDelete