For millennia, the name "Medusa" has inspired dread – and the best known version of her myth focuses on the prince who beheaded her. THE BLIND SCULPTOR is a split POV novel giving this iconic villainess a new voice that will resonate with one in four women.
Rejected by her divine parents for being born mortal, Medusa is raised by a priestess of the Goddess Athena. When she becomes a striking beauty, her uncle rapes her—inside the Temple of Athena, before Athena’s very eyes. Furious at the desecration of her temple, Athena defies logic and punishes Medusa for her uncle’s crime. As a result, Medusa’s legend is born: her hair twists with snakes, her face contorts hideously, and her gaze turns deadly—and she will have to live this way forever.
Two hundred years later, Atheos, a slave and a stonemason, searches for Medusa. If he helps Prince Perseus kill her, he’ll gain his freedom. If he fails, he’ll either be turned to stone by Medusa or be executed by his king.
Atheos, however, becomes another pawn in the Gods’ game for Medusa’s head—blinded and banished to a remote island, he is cared for by a mysterious woman with a haunted past named Medi.
As Atheos challenges her stories of family betrayal, an unexpected friendship grows between them, lifting her depression and suicidal tendencies. Soon, Medi’s desire for freedom from her traumatic past, from her villainous reputation, and for a life beyond the island, is re-kindled. But when Medusa accidentally learns Atheos’ dark secrets, she feels her trust in him was misplaced. With the prince’s arrival spoiling any hope of escape, Medusa must finally choose whose freedom, whose life, and whose destiny will be the stuff of legend.
This looks so so so so good. Holy cow!
ReplyDeleteThe one comment I have, however, and it's kind of a big one, is that it gets good in paragraph 2. The first one seems kind of clunky and tell-y to me, as opposed to being like a pitch (which is its likely intent, I imagine). If you're really attached to that paragraph, how about moving it to the end? Or cutting it altogether? The rest of the query packs SO much punch, succinct, engaging, well paced, that I don't think you need it.
I agree with the previous comment. The first paragraph belongs in a college essay. Medusa being punished for being raped IS a very interesting premise and something that continues to happen in the world today. So I like the premise. But the rest of the query reads like a synopsis (which is how mine always seem to end up as well). Is the main character Atheos? Or Medusa? If it's Atheos, you need to start with him.
ReplyDelete"One in four women" made me snort. I don't know if it fits with your serious story, but man is it funny.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree that paragraph 2 just starts off like a shot. Move that first paragraph to the end and think about dropping the first sentence in it.
You lost me at the start of the final paragraph. "Her" is implied to refer back to Medi, but that was a whole chapter away. And I'm waiting for Medusa.... so I'm thinking the first 2 sentences of paragraph 5 might belong to paragraph 4. Then the 5th paragraph begins with Medusa again. "When Medusa accidentally learns..."
It's very close. You've done some good work.
Huzzah! Squee! This hard work running through barbed wire is paying off. Thank you for the feedback!
ReplyDeleteM.A.--lol! I didn't mean it that way. I mean, one in four women are raped/victims of sexual abuse, so it would resonate with one in four women--but I see your point. I comes across as something other than what I was intending. Doh!
Sorry for being barbed wire. It's tough business giving and getting feedback. But once you go through fire and come out with something lean and mean, it's so worth it.
ReplyDeleteI read the earlier draft, and what an improvement! I agree, this is great. I also agree that the "one in four women" line isn't doing what you want it to. At the risk of agreeing with other commentors way too much, I'd also say cut the whole first paragraph (you can mention dual POV elsewhere... even in the genre/wordcount section, maybe).
ReplyDeleteGreat revision! And good luck!
Genre wordcount is standard in a query.
ReplyDeleteI agree, lose the first paragraph. Start with second paragrapah. In the last part, make sure you let us know Medi is Medusa because it isn't clear. Nit picky point: Athena and Atheos are too much alike, any way you could change the slave name or call him Theos? I like the idea of a book about Medusa. Put the title and word count in either the first paragraph or the last but it needs to go in there. You could include some comp titles too. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to agree with the above: lose the first paragraph and start with the second. I think you've got a solid query otherwise, but that first part doesn't quite fit. Also be sure to stick TITLE is , complete at at the end =)
ReplyDeleteDone, done and done! (except for the name change. Can't do that, Atheos is a name and a crime/plot point)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your help. Most kind of all of you. :)
I must, must, must return the favor on others' letters.
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Wow what an interesting twist on Medusa! I like your first paragraph, but I agree with the others that it should go at the bottom of the query. You've set up the stakes really nicely.
ReplyDeleteA few notes:
"As Atheos challenges her stories of family betrayal," --I'm confused at why Atheos is challenging her version of events? I think the sentence would read fine if you cut it out.
I think the segue of Medi being Medusa should be clearer so a busy agent will have it hammered home.
"But when Medusa accidentally learns Atheos’ dark secrets, she feels her trust in him was misplaced." --just misplaced? Use stronger language. He was sent to kill her. Her trust is destroyed.
Love the ending "stuff of legend."
Good luck!
Lana, Good suggestions. Thank you! :)
ReplyDelete